Wednesday, October 12, 2011

I'll be back... someday

Yesterday I had my follow-up why-the-heck-hasn't-this-worked appointment with the doctor. He had no answers. Anyone else who used the same embryos got pregnant. He explained that they did a total of 6 transfers; 3 transfers were successful, 3 transfers were not, so with a rate of 50% that's pretty average and what they would expect. However, the 3 transfers that were not successful were all mine, which could be a coincidence, or not. There is no way to know why it worked for the others (on their first attempts) and not for me any of the 3 attempts. The whole thing sucks. He said he is always looking for new research and at this time there is nothing. He emailed me a list of other available donor embryos and I'll keep an eye on that, but he also reminded me that it's the age of the egg that matters most, so whether I do this when I'm 40 or 42, my age doesn't really matter.

So the plan to take a break is official... reinforced by my breaking my foot Monday! I need to heal this foot, and heal my heart. Right now life just feels horribly cruel and unfair. I really just want to go to bed and stay there for weeks on end, but I can't. Life goes on. Even when it sucks.

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