more monitoring...

I hadn't really thought about the fact that if I say I have an appt. Tuesday morning and then don't immediately share what happened at that appt., well, there are people that are going to want to know sooner rather than later! My mother emailed me at work saying she kept checking the blog for an update, so I had to explain to her that I WON'T be updating my "spermseeking" blog from my school computer. :)

The monitoring they do at these appt's include a blood draw and an ultrasound. From just the ultrasound they can immediately tell me something, and today it was that my follicles aren't yet "mature." The blood work however takes a few hours, so the nurse calls later that same day with the info and the Dr.'s instructions, which today happened to be to come back Thursday morning for the next check. Even if the ultrasound appeared to show an egg ready to pop, they still need to thaw the sperm, etc., so I'm sure will have me come back for the actual insemination. I will update Thursday NIGHT (not from work mom!) ;)

possibilities....

The research I've done on low ovarian reserve led me to buy royal jelly, wheat grass, and spirulini.... oh and red raspberry leaf tea.... and to contemplate acupuncture. In other words, not much that modern medicine can do, so what else might help? I couldn't get the sperm shipped so I had to pick it up myself again, and take it with me this morning to the doctor's office. For some reason, I was more comfortable hauling the "biological shipper" around and having it in my house then I was having to cart it into the office this morning. Ultrasound showed some potential follicles, and they just called to say they want me back Tuesday morning. That's it. Sperm is there at the ready, so if there's an egg ready Tuesday.... or sometime.... it will be attempt #1!
I actually feel more optimistic today then I have all month that somehow, in some way, this whole motherhood thing will happen. A couple days this week I was an emotional mess... maybe with school starting... seeeing mom's everywhere... terrified that I will never have that. But this morning before I left the dr.'s office I asked the nurse a few things.... including about embryo donors. It seems that right now they have 5 embryo's available from an Indian couple, and 1 from a white couple. It was honestly a relief to hear they have something... anything! But for now we try this "natural cycle" as they call it..... they say it in the office and I kinda chuckle cuz the only thing "natural" about this is no drugs! ;)

Back to reality...

Lots to absorb and think about the past couple of weeks, but I know I still want to TRY in spite of the "very unlikely" doctor prediction. Back from vacation and back to school and routine and checking for ovulation and at what I thought was day 15 of my cycle began a PERIOD!? I dragged my butt outta bed and got to the lab by 7:15 this morning for blood work and ultrasound. Sure looks like the start of a cycle to them (not the middle) and they have insurance authorization to go forward with an IUI, so we'll monitor and see if this might be a month to attempt. The nurse wants me to get the swimmers shipped to them so they'll be at the ready!

Old eggs

Sad. Discouraged. Doctor consult was not what I would have hoped for. Basically what I've joked about for years is true.... my eggs are old. His technical term was "poor ovarian reserve." Acording to him, my chances of achieving pregnancy is about 15% what it would be for the "average" 38 year old woman. And with this poor ovarian reserve, the eggs that are left are not as healthy, so even if one just so happened to get fertilized, the chances of miscarriage or birth defects is much greater. He wants me to think about how I want to proceed. Talked about donor eggs, etc.
Just feeling very sad right now. Won't be doing anything this cycle anyhow because I'm leaving for Ireland tonight. Feel like there's not that much to think about because I DO want to at least TRY for a few cycles and pray a miracle happens. Anyone want to give me a young, healthy egg???