I went into the doctor consult feeling like I could throw up I was so on edge, and left there feeling significantly better. The bottom line is, IF this next pregnancy test is negative, I will move forward with donor embryos.
I think I've had so many emotions over the past 6 months that tonight I actually just feel a little relief to have somewhat of a plan in place that has a much higher chance for success.
I will write more later; for now I need to decompress....
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Monday, January 24, 2011
need to relax!
Well, what's done is done! Now I try and chill out and think positive.... the procedure itself was more uncomfortable (actually flat out painful) then it had been before but I'm pretty sure it's because I was so tense. It's a shame I can't have alcohol for breakfast every day to take the edge off. ;)
Tonight I'm going to write down all my questions for the doctor consult tomorrow so I'll be prepared. Oh yeah... I go back in a week for progesterone test and then the big pregnancy test will be February 7th.
Tonight I'm going to write down all my questions for the doctor consult tomorrow so I'll be prepared. Oh yeah... I go back in a week for progesterone test and then the big pregnancy test will be February 7th.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
PRAYING FOR TOMORROW!
All I keep thinking is PLEASE let one of my rare, but still there somewhere, GOOD eggs pop out for this probably last insemination attempt tomorrow. No pressure, right? HA! I'm chanting "GOOD EGG, GOOD EGG, GOOD EGG!!!" Please join me in my chant ;) I so appreciate the positive wishes!
Saturday, January 22, 2011
IUI #3 Monday
My follicle was a 20 this morning, so tonight I do the trigger shot and have the IUI on Monday morning. I was a little on edge (to put it mildly) when the nurse called this afternoon. I didn't plan for this, but apparently they are open for blood work and ultrasounds starting at like 6am, but can't do the IUI until 9, so I'll have to take the morning off work. I thought I'd just have to get up really early to do it before work, but whatever. What led me to almost scream profanities at the nurse was when she told me to do the injection around 9pm and then HAVE INTERCOURSE, have intercourse again tomorrow, and then Monday morning will be the IUI. Instead of cursing at her, I didn't even correct her, and hung up the phone and burst into tears. I never thought I'd have such a strong reaction to someone telling me to have sex! ;) I've relaxed a little since then.... I really will need to work on being calm and relaxed the next few days as much as possible. With the insemination Monday and the doctor consult Tuesday to figure out what to do if Mondays insemination is not successful... well, it's a lot keeping me on edge.
Friday, January 21, 2011
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Monday, January 17, 2011
one follicle and one vial of sperm...
I went in this morning for my Day 10 check, and I have one lone follicle again this cycle (so far.) It's an 11, so they are having me back Wednesday to check in on it again.
I also went to the ol' sperm bank today and picked up a vial. Just one vial, because who knows after this....
I also went to the ol' sperm bank today and picked up a vial. Just one vial, because who knows after this....
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
a little more sane today
I called the nurse back this morning to talk more and feel a little better today. She restated that they have to look at the labs and what those indicate, and the great concern that even if they were able to GET me pregnant, it's statistically likely that I wouldn't maintain the pregnancy due to the probable condition of the eggs I have left. We are still moving forward with this cycle, so I'll start the clomid tomorrow, but we set up the doctor consult for Jan. 25th. If all pans out for this cycle, that is right around when I'll have my next IUI, but she suggested I have the appointment and make some decisions so that if I have another negative pregnancy result I know where to go from there.
I asked her about the donor embryos, and all they have at this point are the few Indian embryos. We talked a little about that, and I half joked if they could be put "on hold" for me because it looks like I might want/need them!
Maybe it's just taken these months for all this to slowly sink in..... it's pretty much what the doctor told me back in August, but it's still painful.
I asked her about the donor embryos, and all they have at this point are the few Indian embryos. We talked a little about that, and I half joked if they could be put "on hold" for me because it looks like I might want/need them!
Maybe it's just taken these months for all this to slowly sink in..... it's pretty much what the doctor told me back in August, but it's still painful.
Monday, January 10, 2011
can't think of a title
This morning was my first appointment for this cycle, and they start with a bunch of blood work to get a baseline on all the different levels. I feel a little like I've been punched in the stomach because the results indicate my ovarian reserve has continued to worsen, and this time, instead of the nurse being positive about how I've responded to the meds, she said that my FSH came back at 25.6, the highest it's ever been, and although we'll go ahead with this cycle, the doctor wants to sit down for a consult with me after this. It's hard to get my brain around it when here I had been thinking wow, I'm ending up with follicles and ovulating so it's very possible to get pregnant, but to me this sounds like like we're back to it's practically impossible. I found this online:
A normal FSH level is usually under 10, whereas an abnormal level is anything above 25. Measurements between 10 and 25 are generally considered borderline. FSH testing is thought to be an accurate predictor of ovarian reserve. A New Jersey study monitored women with abnormal FSH levels who became pregnant - less than 1% actually had a live birth, with two-thirds miscarrying. High levels of FSH were also found to be good indicators of genetic abnormalities in babies.
Less than 1%. Why am I reading this?!? I'm just sooooo sad and discouraged and angry. I feel like I got my hopes up and the science/reality part is that this most likely will NOT happen. I have to believe it still can because I'm buying more sperm and starting up the drugs again Wednesday, but.... UGH.
I keep reminding myself about the donor embryo option.... I know that still gives hope to carrying and having a baby, and it helps to have that in the back of my mind.
A normal FSH level is usually under 10, whereas an abnormal level is anything above 25. Measurements between 10 and 25 are generally considered borderline. FSH testing is thought to be an accurate predictor of ovarian reserve. A New Jersey study monitored women with abnormal FSH levels who became pregnant - less than 1% actually had a live birth, with two-thirds miscarrying. High levels of FSH were also found to be good indicators of genetic abnormalities in babies.
Less than 1%. Why am I reading this?!? I'm just sooooo sad and discouraged and angry. I feel like I got my hopes up and the science/reality part is that this most likely will NOT happen. I have to believe it still can because I'm buying more sperm and starting up the drugs again Wednesday, but.... UGH.
I keep reminding myself about the donor embryo option.... I know that still gives hope to carrying and having a baby, and it helps to have that in the back of my mind.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
on to IUI #3
Not pregnant. I tested at home again ahead of time so it took some of the sting out of hearing the results, and instead can try and just look ahead to this next cycle. The wonderful, amazing part of all this is I was originally told I would NOT likely respond to the fertility meds, and yet I am! The nurse said again that they still view this as a semi-success because I had follicles and I did ovulate, so there is no reason to not try the same protocol for 1 or 2 more cycles before looking at alternatives. So, I am currently on hold with the sperm bank to order more swimmers and get them to the doctor so it'll be there when the time comes.
One thing interesting about all this.... that two week wait between the insemination and then the pregnancy test is the LONGEST two weeks in the world. Now that I have an ANSWER, even though it's negative, there's a strange kind of peace that comes. Sigh. So now it's a little break, wait for period to come, and start it up again!
One thing interesting about all this.... that two week wait between the insemination and then the pregnancy test is the LONGEST two weeks in the world. Now that I have an ANSWER, even though it's negative, there's a strange kind of peace that comes. Sigh. So now it's a little break, wait for period to come, and start it up again!
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