why didn't it work?

Part of my way with coping with this entire infertility process has been to spend ridiculous hours online looking for "answers" or at least helpful tips... so of course last night I got home around midnight and found myself up til after 2am googling embryo implantation. My doctor has all kinds of scientific info but I found this on one doctor's website:

The enigma of embryo implantation – why doesn’t every embryo become a baby?

While modern technology is very good at making embryos in the laboratory, we still cannot control the implantation process. We do not know which embryo will become a baby – and this can be very frustrating, for both patients and doctors! Many patients who do not get pregnant after an embryo transfer start believing that their bodies are defective, and that they have "rejected" the embryo. They feel that if they failed to become pregnant even after the doctor transferred 3-4 good quality embryos, that they are flawed. However, you need to remember that embryo implantation is a very complex process. How implantation is regulated and brought about remains an enigma, but we need to remember that the implantation process is surprisingly inefficient in humans – Nature is not always very competent! After IVF, it’s only about 10%, which means that only 10% of embryos implant successfully to become a baby. The responsibility for this low efficiency has to be shared between the embryo as well as a defective embryo-endometrium dialogue. We still cannot successfully predict which patient will get pregnant after embryo transfer. Basic research on implantation is of great interest today, because embryonic implantation is the major factor limiting in allowing pregnancy after IVF, but we still need to learn a lot about this "black hole" in our knowledge, before we can learn to control it!


I guess the bottom line is, when it doesn't work, there's usually not much to blame it on. I just have to believe that it still CAN work.


The only thing different I may try this next time is accupuncture, laughing more afterwards because this time I was more focused on relaxing rather than laughing, oh and I read that some tradtional chinese medicine practitioners encourage eating all warm foods after, nothing cold, and even drinking beverages without ice/more at room temperature. Another encouraged eating red meat. Who knows?

negative

Got my results... not pregnant. Very sad, but the nurse said to call with my period and we can get started again. Maybe the third time will be the charm...

waiting...

It's been a week, and tomorrow's "results" day! I've tried to keep myself busy this week but it really makes no difference if you're constantly on the go or just sitting at home... you can't escape your thoughts. Starting off I felt really hopeful and optimistic; I was even convinced that my cat could sense a change in my body not even 36 hours later because she hid under the bed and wouldn't even come out for dinner. Admittedly that was a bit early in this process to think there'd be any "change" for her to sense! ;) Then, I had strange, somewhat uncomfortable, crampy types of feelings and an increased urge to pee, which I also got somewhat excited about thinking it had something to do with implantation. However, after spending most of Tuesday needing to pee and then having it HURT when I did it dawned on me that HELLO this is an urinary tract infection! I just so happened to have a bottle of amoxicillan on hand (purchased on my last trip to Mexico) so I started popping pills right away... so much for implantation symptoms. Then of course I have to read these forums where all these other women started testing at home 4 or 5 days after transfer, and there definitely were a number of them to have positives as early as days 5, 6, or 7. So I tested. Yesterday. Today. Have one more test in the stupid box of 3 so I'll test again tomorrow before the blood test. Wish I hadn't. The doctor's office would say it's too early. One thing I know for certain... if I have to go through this again I CANNOT let myself start testing at home early. Tonight all that keeps filling my head is different "bargains" with God.... as in "please, let me be pregnant, and I promise I'll be........." (fill in the blank with any number of things one would promise to do or be if they get their wish). Soooo.... blood draw is tomorrow at 10:15am... results sometime in the afternoon. I hope I will be calling you all and happily shouting from the rooftops tomorrow!

Two this time

This is Julie's mom. Everything went real well yesterday. Julie had called the Dr's office and asked for a Valium because she read on some forums that other women take them before the procedure and since it was so painful last time she felt it would be best not to have all those stress hormones coursing through her body. They said no, the doctor would do an IV sedation instead.

She could have nothing to eat or drink yesterday morning and the procedure wasn't until 1 in the afternoon. I couldn't go into the room with her this time since the anestheseologist needed to be there. She told the Dr. all she had asked for was Valium and he said Valium doesn't really do anything other than relax you so you are relaxed when the intense pain hits. Oh. It seemed in no time at all they were wheeling her out. She said she was awake but felt nothing and was surprised it was done. The anesthesiologist said "you were awake through that? Do you know what we were talking about?" She had no idea. The Dr. said they had been talking all through it and she appeared to be sleeping. Then, they asked if she heard the Dr singing. No. Amazing stuff that IV sedation. But, aside from the sedation the Dr said it was much easier for him this time. It just went really well.

I had read in a Natural Health magazine that in Israel a study showed that women who laugh directly after embryo transplant have a better chance of getting pregnant. I asked the Dr., the anesthesiologist and the nurse if they knew any jokes. Right away the Dr said that an Israel study shows women should laugh. So, either he read the same magazine or he keeps up on fertility studies. Made me feel good he knew that.

To maintain a happy and calm frame of mind, she leaned back and closed her eyes as I drove through Chicago traffic. That was after screaming at me to stop at a red light though and quit looking at the city sights while driving. We came straight home to eat and lay around yesterday. Now, she's on the couch watching "Despicable Me" Awww.

Keep her in your prayers and I'll try to keep her laughing.